sync & rough corr. by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
[cat purrs, meows]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing] [screams]
[giggles]
[Puss yowling] El Gato!
[yowls]
1x12 - Goblin
[children laughing]
[Kid Pickles] Yeah!
Okay, everybody, did you know the point of dodgeball
is that no one is supposed to get hit by the dodgeball?
- Got it. - Don't get hit!
The dodgeball wants my blood!
And...
dodgeball time!
[laughs]
[screams]
All right! We did it!
- Seems too easy. - Wanna play again?
Eh.
You guys are doing it all wrong.
You want to see a real fun way to play dodgeball?
[grunts] [gasps]
Holy Saint Salitura! She threw it right at her!
Uh-huh.
And now she's out.
She's "out"?
And we're all "in"?
Well, you ain't.
Why not? [grunts]
[others] Wow!
Hey, who do you think you are?
I'm Cleevil. I'm a goblin.
Cleevil? Like rhymes with "evil"?
Uh-huh. [children exclaim]
- Ooh, a goblin! - Right here in San Lorenzo!
- Well, we don't like goblins. - We don't?
Toby, did you know that they're sneaky, and have beady eyes,
and their skin is thick and scaly and gross?
Plus, we want to play dodgeball our way.
Right, guys?
[children squealing]
Whoa! [grunts]
Oof!
[grunting]
Cleevil, you hit me in my ear...
from way over there!
You're amazing!
Say, this Cleevil character's really got some moxie, huh?
Wow! [Vina groans]
Did you know that I don't like her?
[Artephius] Puss! Puss! I need your help!
- Why did you call for help? - I... don't remember.
Oh right, my cane! I made myself a cane, see?
All the trendy young alchemists have canes these days.
Do you need a cane?
Nobody needs a cane, Puss. It's just a fashion accessory.
Like earrings or a hook hand.
Anyway, I want to make some owl eyes out of this pyrite,
so I need your key to the treasure house.
The treasure house? Why?
Because this job calls for the Lorenzo Lapis Lazuli.
[Puss] The Lorenzo Lapis Lazuli.
That is a tongue twister.
Ooh, it'll twist your tongue, all right. And split your face in half!
Watch.
Hold this.
[Artephius humming]
Ha-ha! Perfect!
This is indeed a powerful gemstone.
Oh, you betcha!
In the hands of the virtuous, it may be used for great good.
In the hands of the evil, it may be used for terrible harm.
[zapping]
[chuckles] The ladies are going to swoon over this cane!
[musical instrument screeching] Aah! What is that?
I must investigate. Clearly, someone is in serious pain!
Namely, anyone with ears.
[screeching]
No, no, no. That sounds like butt!
Let me show you.
[breathy bellowing] [groaning]
Aah!
- Now that's how you play a gobflute! - [Puss] What is going on here?
Did you know that this goblin ruined our dodgeball game?
And did you know she started squawking away on her stupid horn
and is making everything terrible?
Or she improved our dodgeball game,
she played us a beautiful tune,
and she made my stomach feel like it's full of butterflies.
And I haven't even eaten any today!
[burps]
[Puss] So you are the source of this musical miscreancy.
Uh-huh.
Who are you? Where are you from?
I'm Cleevil, and I'm from the faraway land
of none-of-your-business!
You are very aggressive for someone your size.
You are brash, sassy, overly confident.
You remind me of myself at your age.
I am Puss in... [growls]
So, you're some kind of boss guy, huh?
Uh-huh.
Okay, go ahead, kick me out.
Nobody wants a little orphan goblin around.
[sighs] You and I are cats from the same cloth.
Young lady, it just so happens that San Lorenzo is a haven for orphans.
Really? So I can live here?
No! Because did you know she's different from us?
Yeah! She's way cooler!
We don't deserve her.
Vina, where is this coming from?
Everyone says goblins are shifty, dishonest troublemakers.
No one says that.
Goblins are shifty, dishonest troublemakers!
Seņora, I am surprised at you. She is a sweet, harmless little girl.
[Toby grunts, laughs]
Okay, so she is a little rough around the edges.
But all she needs is some time and patience.
[scoffs] You are wrong, Puss in the Boots. People are either good or they're bad.
And goblins? Oy! They are bad! They cheat, they lie,
and they never call you back after a wonderful first date!
I have... heard?
I know I'm right about her! She reminds me of myself.
Yes, I, too, was rebellious as a little kitty.
The answer is absolutely, positively...
Yes! Because of the San Lorenzo code, right?
"No orphan shall be turned away."
- Is that what you were gonna say? - But she is a goblin.
"No orphan shall be turned away." You can't defy the code!
Cleevil, as of this moment, you are a San Lorenzan.
You take that back!
[chuckles] No, it means you can stay here.
Oh?
Then... Yay!
[cheering]
[door creaks]
[gasps]
[muffled shouting]
You must be a bit more careful, my darling Chloe.
- Cleevil. - Whatever.
Boy, I sure can't wait to finish our super secret mission,
so I can move into your princess palace and become a princess.
My what?
Your palace, where I'll get to be a princess.
Everybody will have to be real nice to me.
They won't chase me out and call me names anymore. Nuh-uh.
Yes, right. My palace, for princesses.
Yes, that is a thing that I said.
Now, listen to me, Claire!
- Cleevil. - Whatever.
Before you can live in my princess palace,
which is definitely not a thing I made up,
it's very important that you gain the trust of Puss in Boots.
He must believe in you utterly. Got it?
All I heard was "princess."
Excellent.
Now, I need you to steal from Puss in Boots
the key to the treasure house!
Got it! Key to the treasure house.
What's in the treasure house?
Just a pretty little something I've wanted for some time:
the Lorenzo Lapis Lazuli!
[laughs evilly]
[laughs]
Princess, princess...
I'm a princess, I'm a princess.
[gobflute bellowing in distance]
[Puss snores, mutters]
[gasps]
[groans]
Good morning, Cleevil. Practicing your gobflute, I see.
Uh-huh. I'm getting pretty loud at it.
[bellowing]
[chuckles]
Well, perhaps you could restrict your practicing to the edges of town.
The far, far edges.
For you, Seņor Puss, anything.
I promise you, you won't ever have to hear this gobflute again.
[sighs] Excelente.
Hey, Seņor Puss, I was thinking,
because you're pretty much the greatest hero in the world...
[chuckles] Go on.
Well, I was wondering if I could follow you around,
you know, to learn how to be heroic and stuff.
My dear, dear goblette, there is really nothing to it.
Just remember these three steps.
Step one: always be on the lookout for trouble.
Ha! Potted plants: nature's ultimate disguise.
Yeah. It is like we are invisible!
Step two: leap into danger and convey heroism with your eyeballs.
[bandits gasp] [growls]
Wow.
Those eyes... so intense.
How dare you use innocent plants for your wicked deeds?
The plants have failed us. Attack!
[grunts]
[bandit grumbling]
Not the head! It's where I keep all my to-do lists!
Run away!
[screams]
Step three: sit back and relax
as your admirers regale you with praise and adulation.
Unless no one was paying attention. Darn it.
That was amazing, Seņor Puss! So, what do you get for that?
Do you get money?
Do you get to live in a princess palace? Do you get a tiara?
I get none of those weirdly specific things.
So, you get what? Nothing?
I get the satisfaction of knowing I have helped people.
A feeling we can all have if we so choose.
What will you choose, Cleevil?
Will you be good and help others? Or bad and steal things?
It is a choice only you can make.
This is real fun! Uh-huh!
And look at your painting, Cleevil. It's so,
uh...
expressive!
It's Seņor Puss being a hero,
dancing on some bad guys' heads.
Hey, I like drawing Puss, too! Ain't he the best guy around?
Yeah, he is, isn't he?
Hey, guys, I finished my painting.
Vina, what is that? It's... disturbing.
Exactly. It's Cleevil.
[gasps]
Vina, that is not very nice of you at all.
What?
I figured that since everyone loves Cleevil so much,
I'd paint a picture of her and hang it up
where everyone can see it.
That's... not... how... I... look!
[growls]
Now, Cleevil, I'm sure Vina didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
[roaring]
[Esme shrieks]
No, Cleevil, stop!
[screams] [gasps]
[smacks] Eh...
[canvas rips] [Seņora Zapata] Goblin!
- It wasn't my fault. - It's true.
- You see, Vina... - I don't want to hear it.
Look at this mess! What have you done?
I knew you were bad. We all knew!
But she...
Forget it. You don't care about me. None of you do!
Cleevil! Wait! [sighs]
Seņora, please, let us not be too...
I told you, Puss in the Boots! Goblins are bad eggs!
One goblin doing one bad thing does not mean that all goblins are bad!
No, she's right!
Goblins eat horses!
And they have two heads.
And their skin is thick and scaly and gross!
You people ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
I suppose you also think that cats always land on their feet.
Okay, yes, I always land on my feet, but that is not because I am a cat.
It is because I am Puss in Boots! Ha!
Good day to you!
[Cleevil crying]
You think I'm bad, too, don't you?
[sighs] Uh-huh.
And now you're going to kick me out of town.
Don't worry, I'm used to it.
Cleevil, let me tell you a story about a little...
[Artephius humming] Huh?
Oh! Hey, guys, don't mind me and my cane.
Yep, just strolling through town with my cane,
projecting casual cane confidence everywhere I go.
Cane!
Yep. No!
Help, Puss! It's not my time yet!
Excuse me. I must go rescue that casual, confident old man.
The cane is waterproof!
You can be good, Cleevil.
But you have to believe in yourself as I believe in you.
[grunts]
[water splashes]
- Thank you, Puss. - Artephius, give me your hand.
- Here's my hand! Take it! - Give me your hand.
Don't pull me down with you!
Princess Cleevil.
- [Puss] I cannot swim! - [Artephius] That's okay, I can't, either.
Did you get the key?
Mm-hmm.
Oh! Well done, Cloris!
- Cleevil. - Whatever. Gimmie!
Duchess, do you...
do you believe in me?
[sighs]
Oh, of course I do. You're right here.
Aren't you?
Well, after I become a princess,
will we ever do things that are just for the satisfaction of helping people?
[groans]
If I say yes, will you give me the key?
Uh-huh.
Then, yes.
Duchess, now, where is my tiara?
For my first order as Princess Cleevil,
I'm going to give everyone five unicorns.
[gasps] No, six!
No, five. Don't want to get weird.
[Cleevil moans]
[keys jingling]
[muffled shouting]
You've done just as I hoped, Carl.
- [muffled] Cleevil. - Whatever.
You have been the perfect patsy in my scheme for revenge on Puss in Boots.
You've made him care about you.
When he sees that you have betrayed him, he will be devastated.
And shortly after that...
he will be dead!
[laughs evilly]
[doors clank]
[grunting]
[gobflute bellowing]
[bellowing continuing]
Cleevil! You promised not to play...
Hmm?
Who has done this to you?
Seņor Puss, there's something I need to tell you.
Hello, Puss! Miss me?
Duchess! You should know by now, you cannot defeat me.
Au contraire, Puss.
I think you're about to feel pretty defeated.
Why don't you ask your little goblin friend,
how I got this key?
I'm sorry.
Cleevil, how could you?
Now, Puss in Boots, you see the beauty of my plan.
You took something of mine...
Uh... Oh.
...my foot.
So, in turn, I'm taking something of yours.
Your faith in those smelly orphans!
[laughing]
If you can't believe in your goblin friend,
you can't believe in anything!
Seņor Puss.
[Puss] There is one flaw in your plan.
I still believe in her!
[yowls] [gasps, shrieks]
Watch the face! My eyes and teeth are in there.
Get off me!
[panting]
[Artephius] Yoo-hoo! Duchie!
[humming]
Notice anything different about me?
Oh... I am so not speaking to you.
That's right. I have a fancy new cane!
Ooh, la, la.
Very fetching.
Whoops.
No, don't hit me. I'll do it!
[grunts]
[Puss grunts]
[groaning]
- Time for Kitty-Be-Dead. - [Cleevil] Puss!
[gasps]
Ay! No!
I didn't mean to hit her.
Stay away!
I can't go back to magic jail! I burned some bridges there, man.
Who did that?
That's for blasting my friend, Cleevil. [grunts]
[grunting]
You have not seen the last of me, Puss in Boots!
Only the first and some of the middle.
Aah! My eyes and teeth!
Cleevil...
She... She saved my life.
You were right about her, Puss in the Boots.
She was... a good little girl.
[moans]
Who you calling little?
[gasps] You're okay!
Sure I'm okay.
Goblin skin is really thick and scaly. Pretty much impenetrable.
[cheering]
You throw a pretty mean dodgeball, Vina.
I learned from the best.
I'm sorry I was a jerk, Cleevil.
Did you know that I'm really glad you're going to live here?
You are going to live here, right?
Uh-huh.
And to celebrate, gobflute concert!
[gobflute bellowing] [all moan]
[screeching]
[bellowing]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing]
sync & rough corr. by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~